Capable VS Confident: How do we bridge the gap?

We often turn down opportunities or experiences because we aren’t confident in our abilities to execute them, even if we are (more than) capable. Yet, it is this awkward place outside of our comfort zone – between capable and confident – where we see the greatest returns.

So, what’s the difference between feeling confident VS being capable? And how do we navigate the in-between zone to reach our full potential?

Capable (adjective)

1. having the ability, fitness, or quality necessary to do or achieve a specified thing.

2. able to achieve efficiently whatever one has to do; competent.

Capability is something we have. It’s a more black-and-white space of either being ‘competent’ or ‘not competent yet’ in a task or skill. Whether we are aware of our capabilities through certified methods like licenses or qualifications, or less rigid forms like feedback, or experience, it has a more fact-based foundation.

In psychology, there are four stages of competence.

Once we reach ‘conscious competence’ we are in the realm of ‘capable’. But, not necessarily at the point of confidence.

Confident (adjective)

1. feeling or showing confidence in oneself or one’s abilities or qualities.

2. feeling or showing certainty about something

Confidence isn’t as black and white as capability. By definition, it is a feeling, so it will sit somewhere different for everyone. Some people feel confident even when they are not capable (a.k.a. unconscious incompetence) while others can be highly capable but not confident. Wherever confidence sits for you on the competence spectrum changes where your comfort zone ends and growth starts. But, for the point of this conversation, let’s place confidence between ‘conscious competence’ and ‘unconscious competence’.

The fundamental challenge that lies between ‘capable’ and ‘confident’ is that even when we are capable we don’t necessarily feel confident. Yet, to bridge the gap, we need experience.

So, we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place (or just stuck in a box).

How do we find the courage to say ‘yes’ to “the thing” without confidence so we can reach our full potential – and maybe even the ‘unconscious competence’ (a.k.a. bad-ass) level?

Here are some strategies that may help us:

1. Check your thoughts.

We can be our own worst enemies when it comes to stepping out of our comfort zones. The ‘what if’ questions come up and, since our brains are wired for self-preservation, we think of all the things that could go wrong.

Challenging these thought patterns can be hard, especially if we feel emotional responses to them. But, some questions we can ask ourselves to break the unhelpful thought patterns may be:

a. What are the facts? b. Is this [insert bad scenario we’re imagining] 100% true? c. What if it goes well?

1. Check in on your feelings.

For some of us, our feelings come before our thoughts, while for others, our thoughts may trigger our feelings. Either way, taking a moment to check in with our bodies can help us feel, accept and move on, from whatever our natural response may be so we can make calmer decisions.

Where you can, give yourself time to think about your answer. Otherwise, taking a deep breath and a few moments to check in with the response in your body can be enough.

Often, fear can have two feelings within us. There may be a sensation of expanding or a sensation of retracting. If we feel a sensation of expanding within our fear, that may be a sign to take on the opportunity despite our apprehension. Alternatively, a sensation of retracting within ourselves may be a sign that this opportunity isn’t right for us yet.

Being curious about why we feel the way we do is often a good way to step back from emotions or thought patterns and acknowledge that our knee-jerk response may not be serving our greater purpose or goals.

1. Seek support from someone you trust.

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Sometimes others can see our abilities more clearly than we can. When we are offered a challenge outside our comfort zone, we can experience emotional responses or difficult thought patterns. But, the people around us don’t feel these things with us. It’s in this way that a trusted mentor, peer or friend can help us see the ways we are capable of certain opportunities.

Additionally, sharing our vulnerability and asking for help is another way we can seek support from those around us.

I recently had the opportunity to drive a non-synchromesh/manual truck (a.k.a. crash box*) over an hour to the auctioneers. I have a license to drive non-synchromesh trucks and knew I was capable, but I’d also only driven this truck type 2 or 3 times since getting my license.

Naturally, I was nervous every time I got behind the wheel of one. Not to mention, this particular time the truck was older and therefore more difficult to drive. But, instead of turning down the opportunity to build confidence, I found ways to ease my nerves. I asked a trusted co-worker (and more experienced driver) to accompany me for a few laps around the block as I got used to this particular truck’s gear-change timing and overall feel.

The result?

I drove around the block until I felt more comfortable behind the steering wheel. Then, I drove it safely and effectively to the auctioneers. As a result, I feel way more confident in my ability to drive another crash box whenever the next opportunity comes.

I was capable of the task - I just didn’t feel confident. But, by stepping into the uncomfortable situation I built more confidence in my skills so that next time it will be easier to say ‘yes’.

*For people outside the trucking industry, a truck with a non-synchromesh gearbox is similar to a manual car, only that to change gears after the initial take-off you don’t use the clutch the same way. Instead, you rev-match the gearbox and the engine. This involves some grinding of gears – especially for the less-seasoned drivers – earning manual heavy vehicle gearboxes the name ‘crash box’.

1. Do the dang thing.

Sometimes, we just have to do the dang thing.

The reality is that we all have to start somewhere, as beginners. We have to make mistakes to learn, grow, and build confidence. And, if we don’t let ourselves start before we feel confident, we will never get there.

So many of our role models, who are experts in their field or well-versed in their industries, became that way because they made mistakes and learned from them. If we can accept mistakes in others, we have to practice accepting mistakes in ourselves too, however uncomfortable that may make us feel.

In navigating the gap between ‘capable’ and ‘confident’, we need to step out of our comfort zones and into uncomfortable situations – for the right reasons. Even if we can’t quite ‘step’ out of our comfort zones, leaning into new challenges and opportunities can be enough to stretch our skills and experiences. As a result, confidence will come from the times when we do the hard thing and prove to ourselves our own capabilities. There is no shortcut or hack to bridging the gap, but with some courage and self-compassion, we can build confidence in our abilities.

I hope you go out there and smash your goals in your pursuit of confidence 💪

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